Saturday, 9/22

There were football games all day at the nearby high school stadium. I can hear the play-by-play on the PA system as if I were watching TV in the hut. Not the retreat atmosphere I had envisioned, and it’s so hard to stop myself from following along and visualizing the game. I decide to become another forest animal with no idea of what those words mean—just a constant droning in the background.

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My chipmunk pal: He lives under the hut, or in a hole nearby. The first day I came out, he darted away and watched from afar. Now he brings acorns to a rock about three feet from the porch, and sits there calmly eating while he watches me do walking meditation. He must know I’m on silent retreat, or he surely would have struck up a conversation by now.

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Overall, this has been a low-key retreat for me. No mood swings, highs or lows, no trying to hold the question. There’s nothing I want to do or accomplish. But something in me is not quite OK with that, and feels that I’m wasting the retreat. So I’m trying to at least “be present” as much as possible. Which is correct? Just letting it be, or making an intentional effort to stay alert?

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