Friday, 9/21

When preparing breakfast I realize that the fridge doesn’t work (although the motor is running), and all my perishable food has spoiled. I feel angry and ready to give up again. I spend the entire morning meditation session grumbling about “what a dump this place is.”

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During afternoon sitting, things suddenly become very quiet and ordinary. All that stress, anger and grumbling has settled down by itself.

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When I did a solo retreat in April, the bird songs and animal sounds were beautiful, melodious, and brimming over with the energy and optimism of springtime courtship and mating. But now the daytime sounds are full of territoriality and aggression as the animals get ready to hunker down for the winter—like one big continuous fight. I can hear and feel the aggression in their tone, and it puts me in the same frame of mind. I want to run out and tell them to shut up and cut the crap (which would undoubtedly be very effective).

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