Return to Winter/Spring 2002-2003

A Birthday Poem for ZMWK

by Ken Kessel, JDPSN

Sixty, Schmixty: an Homage

Letter of Recommendation

To: All Buddhas of the Ten Directions, Past, Present and Future

Re: Richard Shrobe, aka Zen Master Wu Kwang; Application for Greatness

Dear Sirs, Madams, Celestial Personages and Disembodied Spirits

As per your request, I am responding to your questionnaire, distributed on the occasion of the above named’s Sixtieth Birthday

To aid in your deliberations on the issue, should he, or should he not, as warranted by tradition, be admitted to The Eternal Order of Ancients?

Question 1: How long have you known the applicant?

Clever, that, to start with a trick question, as the Master is essentially Unknowable. Suffice it to say, regarding time: Most times, his glasses perch firmly on his nose.

Question 2: What is your relationship to the applicant?

I’m not sure how this will help you. But anyway: Sitting here writing this letter

Question 3: An eminent teacher said a student must surpass his teacher or else he loses half his efficacy.

Part a: Does Master Wu Kwang surpass his teacher? Please cite three examples.

If you touch Yes and No you fall into a ditch.

Our teacher’s miraculous power is that when he’s hungry he orders out; when Brendas hungry ’ He takes her out; and when they’re both tired of going out they rent a movie

Part b: How do his students surpass him?

Students of the way all know: at Chogye, the Dharma Room is on the East, robe room is on the West

Question 4: What personal qualities does this applicant possess, that we should approve him?

I’ve asked him this myself on several occasions. The first time I asked, he hit the floor The second time I asked, he hit me And the third time I asked, he shook my hand and said, "Good morning." Finally I think he got tired of answering and made me sit next to him.

At this point I myself have little else to say

Just please give this man a "Nim"