On that first Sunday, something clicked in a roundabout way. I felt affinity with Zen teachings that emphasized being in the present moment (moment to moment, everything is perfectly complete). I became curious, then enthusiastic, then committed by taking five precepts. I served as CIZC’s Head Dharma Teacher for six years, and eventually took 16 Precepts.

How did Zen practice impact my life? I can say without any doubt that Zen practice saved my life, which in the early 80’s and 90’s was a messy, every-day struggle. In that period, I went to the Zen center every Sunday at first, listened to dharma talks, learned meditation, chanting, and bowing, and was encouraged to practice at home. I meditated and bowed every day. My mental/emotional stability increased, my life became more organized and bowing offered a powerful tool to tackle old, entrenched habits and destructive patterns, and chanting was an uplifting antidepressant. I participated in Summer Kyol Che at Providence Zen Center twice and saw my life change radically. I identified what I did professionally working with victims of psychological trauma as a form of skillful means, while helping people who suffered violence and abuse with compassion and without judgment as my mission.

One day, while reciting the Four Great Vows for the thousandth time, committing to save all beings from suffering, I said to myself: “all beings… that includes me!” And a healing journey began for me too. It has been a nearly forty year journey. I left for a while (six years) and returned just before the pandemic. In the end it’s been thirty-four-years of “try mind.” More recently, I have understood that the suffering I vow to safe all beings from is the delusion of a separate, dualistic self, mired in likes and dislikes and living in the fog of ignorance. And that the helping from suffering is about showing others by example the path to the present moment.